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Friday B-Movie Pick: The November Man

Friday, January 30th, 2015

The November Man

Former Bond Pierce Brosnan teams up with former Bond girl Olga Kurylenko in this tale of espionage, morality, and international conspiracies. The action is good, as is the acting. There is the occasional upper torso female nude scene, just so you can have some sex with your violence. Not all the portrayal of human sexuality is wholesome though, one of the main villains is not a nice person. In all, a good example of B-Movie making. Well worth the rental and popcorn.

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Friday B-Move Pick: Walk of Shame

Friday, January 23rd, 2015

Walk of Shame

Elizabeth Banks stars in this light comedy about a “good girl” having a bad day. She plays a local LA news anchor (i.e. a meat puppet news reader) who goes out drinking with her friends after a bad day (her fiance dumps her, and she comes up second for a network news position. Much drinking occurs, and after a series of advents going wrong, she ends up on the streets of LA without ID, phone or cash. She does have her car keys, but her car has been towed. To add to the drama, she has to get to work on time because it turns out she has a shot at the network meat puppet job. She endures a series of adventures, including a cabbie who thinks she is a stripper, cops who think she is a hooker, and the best part, spending some time in a South Central crack house. An ok comedy, not a great comedy. I think Banks took the role because she was turning 40 and wanted to show she could rock that yellow tube sock of a dress she spend most of the film in.

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Friday B-Movie Pick: Midnight in Paris

Friday, January 2nd, 2015

Midnight in Paris

Let’s ring in the new year with the latest from Woody Allen. The Woodman isn’t in front of the camera for this film, he just wrote and directed. He got Owen Wilson to play the role of Woody Allen in this movie, and I have to say that Wilson plays the Woodman better than Woody ever did. A bit of Allen history here. Fans of the Woodman know his first film appearance was in “What’s Up Pussycat?”, which was set in Paris. Shortly afterwards, Allen moved to LA and starting writing (and directing/acting in) a string of successful movies. In this film, Wilson plays a writer who has had a string of very successful screenplays made into successful movies. He is currently in Paris, with his fiance, working on a novel. He is constantly complaining that he was truely happy back when was living in Paris as a near starving writer, before going to Hollywood and “selling out.” His fiance doesn’t see what the problem is, he is successful in his career and should continue doing what has been bringing in lots of money. To make things worse, they run into old “friends”, including a fellow Wilson’s character (i.e. Woody Allen) can’t stand, but his fiance thinks is knowledgeable and charming. True to form, our protagonist is complaining about many things, including about how boring modern times are, and how much more alive Paris was during the 1920s. Then comes the movie magic, while wandering the streets of Paris alone, at Midnight, an old limo pulls up and the occupants insist that he join them. The booze is flowing freely, so he gets in. The car takes them to a party where he meets F. Scott Fitzgerald and his wife, Ernest Hemingway, and other famous people who made 1920s Paris their home. In the morning he returns to the early 21st Century and freshly inspired, works on his novel, while his fiance “tours” Paris with friends. This repeats for multiple nights, and his adventures continue, including getting Gertrude Stein and Hemingway to read his novel and give advice. Oh, and he also finds the love of his life. She is as bored with Paris of the 1920s as the Woodman stand in is of the 21st Century. She pines for the “Bella Epoch”. The two of them travel there, were they find her heroes pining for the old days as well. This is a revelation for him, he returns to the 21st Century, cleans up the mess of his personal life, and decides to move forward rather than living for the past.

I described an earlier B-Movie pick as “a big sloppy wet kiss, with tongue, to Steven Spielberg.” In this film, Woody Allen does much more than that. He gets down on his knees, unhinges his jaw, and deep throats Paris. The city of Paris is as much a character in this movie as any of the roles played by actors (the actor playing Hemingway was fornicating awesome BTW). This is a film carefully crafted by a master film maker and will be especially enjoyed by fans of the Woodman’s work, such as myself. The only part I would warn my gentle readers about is where Allen let’s his far left extremist political views leak through. It’s clear that those are based on his emotions, and not any rational thought.

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Friday B-Movie Pick: Die Hard

Friday, December 26th, 2014

Die Hard

On this Boxing Day, I’m going with a traditional Christmas move. It takes place during a Christmas office party, the hero came to LA to visit his wife for Christmas, there are Christmas decorations all over the place. It’s a staple of the holiday season!

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Friday B-Movie Pick: Halloween Edition!

Friday, October 31st, 2014

It’s Halloween, so let’s keep with tradition here.

Young Frankenstein

The Mummy

An American Werewolf in London

Innocent Blood

Bonus for this year, Ghostbusters!

Let’s not forget Near Dark and Dog Soldiers, picks from October 2011, for a double header of vampires and werewolves.

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Friday B-Movie Pick: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Friday, September 19th, 2014

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Ten years ago, this Diesel Punk classic hit the big screen with enough CGI to choke server rooms worth of servers. Most of the cast did all their work against green screens that later became the amazing background of the film that never existed outside the digital realm. Damn fine cast as well, Jude Law as the title character, Sky Captain, the leader of a group of lawful good mercenaries. Gyneth Paltrow as his on and off again girl friend and intrepid girl reporter. Angelina Jolie as the frost British air ace and the other woman in Sky Captain’s life. This film is all about the larger than life aspect. From the giant flying robots to the Royal Air Corp helicarriers. Oh ya, there are dinosaurs too. Great film to escape and enjoy good old fashioned pulp adventure. Fire up the popcorn and enjoy!

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Friday B-Movie Pick: The Grand Budapest Hotel

Friday, August 22nd, 2014

The Grand Budapest Hotel

This is a film fan movie. Wonderful cast, and tight writing that just cranks the dry humor to eleven and keep it there. I nearly fell off the couch laughing several times during this movie. Most of the movie is set in the 1930s and is the story of concierge of a famous Alpine hotel and his protege. The acting was wonderful, given the cast (Ralph Fiennes, Adrien Brody, Willem Dafoe, Geff Goldbulm, Jude Law, Edward Norton, and more) this is not surprising. The film was also carefully crafted, nailing you with the next joke before you had a chance to recover from that last one.

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Friday B-Movie Pick: The Octagon

Friday, July 18th, 2014

The Octagon

Going way, way, back to 1980 for this Chuck Norris classic. In this movie, he takes on his brother, played by Tadashi Yamshita (OK, one of them was clearly adopted), who went over to the “Dark Side” and set up a Ninja training camp for mercenaries. Norris, who is busy training for his next big fight, doesn’t want to get involved, but does anyway. Many the Ninja fall to his deadly, Ninjia killing inside crescent kicks. Of course there is the big brother on brother fight to the death, and plenty of gun fu as well.

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Friday B-Movie Pick: Independence Day Double Header

Friday, July 4th, 2014

1776 and An American Carol

It’s an Independence Day double header. I’m going once again go with the 1972 film version of the Broadway musical 1776. Based on the Broadway play, it tells the tale of getting the resolution on Independence passed through the Continental Congress in the summer of 1776. William Daniels is quite good as John Adams, but it is Howard Da Silva as Benjamin Franklin who steals the show. The second film was the 4th of July weekend pick for 2009. It is the story of Crocumentary filmmaker Michael Malone (name slightly changed so you will be sure which fat communist bastard it is supposed to be), who wants to ban the “4th of July” and is visited by the Ghost of John F. Kennedy, who tells that he will be visited by three spirits. Very funny, and a great cast, and of course the ghost of General Patton slaps the fat bastard!

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Friday B-Movie Pick: Films of Fury

Friday, May 30th, 2014

Films of Fury

A fun trip down memory lane for martial arts film fans. The animated narrator is a video store clerk with an extensive knowledge of martial arts films. Sounds familiar? He sorta looks like Quentin too. He touches on many of the classics, including several previous B-Movie picks Heroes of the East,  My Young Auntie and Lone Wolf McQuade. Some gun-fu classics are mentioned, mostly by director John Woo, which is an often neglicted sub-genere. He does go into some of the modern American films by Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal, but leaves out any reference to Van Damme. Fire up the popcorn and check it out! See what films you think are missing, and make a list of the ones you now have to see.

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